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27 Aug WORLD ATHLETICS NEWS: Greg Rutherford disqualified after Tomlinson review & Michael Johnson seriously considered ending it all

GREG RUTHERFORD DISQUALIFIED AFTER THOMLINSON REVIEW

After studying the tapes of Greg Rutherford’s longest two jumps, Chris Tomlinson has successfully called for the Briton to be disqualified. It is understood that the eagle eyed Tomlinson spotted that Rutherford’s Team GB shorts were ‘not regulation’ and clearly featured the Union Jack – which had been banned by British Athletics prior to the championships.

CAMPBELL TO MISS REST OF WORLDS WITH VERTIGO

Darren Campbell will take no further part in the BBC’s coverage of the World Athletics Championships after suffering ‘severe vertigo’. Medical experts have said that Campbell has come down with the condition after changing his option on Justin Gatlin ‘far too frequently in far too shorter timeframe’. A BBC insider told reporters: ‘Darren has gone backand forth so many times with Mr Gatlin either being the victim of media bullying or being the devil incarnate, it was only a matter of timebefore he became too dizzy with it all’.

FOSTER ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ FOR STRICTLY

BBC producers have been very quick to rule out ‘in the strongest possible terms’ any approach for Brendan Foster to take part in Strictly Come Dancing. ‘It’s unthinkable’ said a producer ‘the thought of that frame wobbling all over the set on prime time television. This is not some sort of freak show’.

MJ CONTEMPLATING ENDING IT ALL

During this evening’s BBC highlights broadcast, 400m world record holder Michael Johnson seriously considered destroying the whole set and then leaping from the studio balcony onto the street below. As Gabby Logan encouraged him to become excited about being able to use the ‘gong’ to signal another GB medal, Johnson gave serious thought as to whether the ‘gong’ would look good smashed to pieces as the studio burned to the ground. As we went to press, MJ was to be seen sitting in the darkened studio staring vacantly into space contemplating ‘another four days of this shit’