12 Jan Coe distances himself from ‘dealings with the devil’

Article by James Fairbourn

His Lordship Sebastian Coe has today played down reports that he worked alongside the Devil Incarnate earlier in his career. In a bid to become the next President of the IAAF, Coe released a 20-page manifesto listing his many accomplishments – including his ‘fantastic working relationship’ with Almighty God when organising events in Heaven.

‘I have met the Devil personally only once or twice’ said Lord Coe ‘but the working relationship only really lasted a couple of years and I didn’t really do anything while I worked for him’. Coe added that if he had known that the Devil was responsible for everything that was evil in the world he would ‘have never even considered accepting any role whatsoever’.

Meanwhile, Hell has released a statement saying that Lord Coe was ‘a key member of the ethics team’ as Hell tried to rid itself of corruption. ‘Lord Coe found no evidence of any nastiness at all in Hell because we had nothing to hide’ continued the statement ‘his findings were only a vindication of what we do so well here’.

The Hell spokesman went onto deny that his organisation had anything to do with attempting to turn Crystal Palace into a Satanic Temple or had any business dealings in Turkmenistan.